Nathan was born sleeping at scarborough hospital. I was 36+6 weeks pregnant, and so looking forward to his birth. Unfortunatley at the time i was in an abusive relationship. I believe this contributed to his death. Nathan was born at 7.15am by emergency c-section. He weighed 5lb 9oz, and was perfect in every way. The horror of what had happened hadn't really hit me. I felt i couldn't grieve properly for him as i somehow believed it was my fault for what happened to him. The funeral took place on the 8th june at 9.30 am. I felt the funeral was taken out of my hands too, but i suppose at the time i wasn't in any state really to do anything. I just remember feeling this numbness and feeling really cold. My stepdad, Graham, helped me carry his tiny coffin into the crem. How i got through it i don't know. On what would of been his third birthday, i scattered his ashes at a private location. I have been back and left him flowers. I find it a very peaceful place and i know he would love it. I am proud of my son. I believe he had to become an angel to set me free. I will always be proud of him and he will always be one of my children, not just my child that died.